


Extract of Lemon

by craterdweller



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 16:25:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5750071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/craterdweller/pseuds/craterdweller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney has promised not to research medical symptoms in the repository prior to consulting Jennifer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Extract of Lemon

Rodney McKay twisted and contorted to get a look at his back. The small bathroom mirror wasn’t much help, but he could swear that there were two more welts than yesterday. He took a step towards his laptop and then stopped. He had promised Jennifer that he wouldn’t look up symptoms in the medical database before consulting her. It could be his New Year’s resolution she had teased. But surely she would understand in this case. He strode to the desk and logged onto the Ancient Medical Data Repository. His fingers flew deftly over the keys as he entered his symptoms.

Meanwhile, in the office just off the gateroom, an alert sounded on Sam Carter’s computer. She tapped her headset and called for Dr. Keller.  

“Is something the matter?”

“Rodney’s just accessed the medical repository.” She read off his list of symptoms: red welts, slight fever, elevated respiration, sweating, achiness, headache.

Jennifer rolled her eyes. “He’s probably discovered the epidermoid cysts on his back. I spotted them during his last visit to the infirmary. They are benign and of no concern, which is why I didn’t mention them to him.”

“But what about the other symptoms?”

“A result of him getting worked up over it. Still, I should have a look. I’d rather err on the side of caution.”

“Okay. But let’s have a little fun. What shall we call his condition?”  Sam typed as Jennifer dictated. They made it sound serious but rarely life threatening. Their coup de gras came in the form of known treatments-  lemon juice applied three times daily or as needed.

Rodney blanched when he read the results of his search. He thumbed his communication headset. “Jennifer, where are you? I need to see you right away!”

“Rodney. I’m in Colonel Carter's office. We are going over this week’s reports.”

“Good. Good. Stay there. I’ll be there in five. Sam will need to authorize the extra duty shifts.”

“Rodney. What?” But he had cut the connection. “Well, you certainly got his attention. He’s on his way here.”

“Here? Why? Please tell me he is not planning on showing me!”

“He said something about you needing to authorize extra duty shifts.” The two women grinned but then quickly schooled their expressions as Atlantis’ Chief Scientist burst into the office.

He shoved a data pad at Jennifer before addressing Sam. “I have a severe case of Mordacitis Ulcus and I am deathly allergic to the only known treatment. We’ll need round the clock medical personnel working on an alternative treatment.”

Sam arched an eyebrow. “You appear fine to me, Rodney. Why don’t we hold off on the round the clock personnel for now.” She held up a hand, “Now back up and start from the beginning. Please.”

When Rodney finished recounting his investigation in minute detail, Jennifer innocently inquired, “Did you say you consulted the Medical Repository?”

“Well, yes, but in these circumstances …”

“Rodney, what did you promise?”

“Yes, but …”

Sam thumbed the intercom. “Chuck, could you step in here a moment?”

“Right away, ma’am.”

When the senior gate technician appeared in the doorway, Sam asked, “Did anyone have today in the pool for Rodney hacking into the medical database?”

“I didn’t hack, that sounds so pedestrian.”

“So, there were no security measures in place? Odd, I seem to recall Dr. Zelenka saying he had upgraded them during our last staff meeting.”

“Oh, well. Those. Not really, and besides …” He stopped at her glare. “Okay. So yes. I may have subverted a few protocols.”

“Chuck?”

“Colonel Sheppard, had 0800 hours this morning. You had 1000 hours. And Dr. Zelenka had 1100 hours. So Colonel Sheppard has won the pool.”

“Wait! What pool? You people are betting on my medical misfortune? That’s just… That’s just, wrong!”

“Not on your condition, Rodney, on how long until you broke your promise to Jennifer that you would not consult the medical database before checking with her.”

“But it’s only been two days!”

Sam arched an eyebrow.

“Yes. Yes. I broke my promise. But I still have a serious medical condition and the only known treatment is applying lemon juice, which as I’m deathly allergic to citrus …” He stopped when he noticed Sam losing the battle to control her grin. “Oh, right. Very funny. You doctored the database didn’t you?”

Sam tried her best innocent look but lost it when Jennifer began giggling.

A very disgruntled Rodney left muttering, “You’ve been around O’Neill to long. You used to be nicer. Betting pool. How would you like it if there was a betting pool about you?”

“Do you think we hurt his feelings?” Jennifer asked.

“He’ll survive. Besides, I owed him for that tape he made during the first year of the expedition. Among other things. But, with any luck he will have learned his lesson about poking around the Medical Repository.”

Jennifer shot her a skeptical look.

“Right. I’ll ask Zelenka to tighten security. Not that it will do much good if Rodney is determined enough.”  She shook her head. “You might want to swing by Rodney’s quarters and reassure him about his condition. I don’t want him worrying unnecessarily.”

“How long do you think he’ll stay mad?”

Sam shrugged. “I think I’ll catch the brunt of the blame. And that might not be a bad thing.”

She smiled as she left Sam to her work. Jennifer liked Rodney a lot, but as long as he was fixated on Colonel Carter, she was invisible to him. She hummed to herself as she went looking for Atlantis’ Chief Scientist. Perhaps she could make it up to him.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Prompts: bets & wagers - trope_bingo
> 
> A slightly modified prompt from 1mw weekend challenge: Original Prompt: I will look up actual medical conditions before I call in “sick” to work. I changed to I will NOT look up medical conditions before reporting to the infirmary.
> 
> Mordicatis Ulcus = sarcastic boil in Latin (according to google translate)


End file.
